If, by chance, you’re near a computer on Saturday at 4pm est, I’d like to suggest something for you to do: watch the Lumineers — an amazing new band whose debut album (available for $ 5 on Amazon) lots of people are crushing on right now — perform a set at my house that will be livestreamed on Liveset.

(In case you’re wondering why the Lumineers are livestreaming a show from my house, and I’m sure you are, let me just say this: it’s an old (built in the 1840s) house that was abandoned for a number of years and portions of it still are raw/in need of renovation — but, at the risk of sounding immodest, it’s gorgeous in an aging starlet sort of way, and it looks great on film. Think of it as the Helen Mirren of houses. Hence, Tom Lennon and Ben Garant just filmed the majority of “Hell Baby,” their directorial debut about a young, expectant couple who move in to “New Orleans most haunted fixer-upper”, here. More on that next week, btw.)

ANYWAY, the Lumineers are pretty great so check out the show tomorrow if you’re on the internet. Below is an embed of their performance on Conan a few days ago. Enjoy, and y’all have a great weekend!

I had some court stuff to take care of today, which is why, as you may have noticed, Burnsy was on FilmDrinking duties. I think he did a fine job, as always (finer, even – did you see those storyboards? Magnificent).. That said, some things in this world just demand to be giffed, and Matthe McConaughey nodding at Alex Pretty Fur in the Magic Mike trailer was one of them. So, consider this my contribution to FilmDrunk for the day. I call it “Motivational McConaughey.”

Have something you need to get done but can’t seem to find the inner strength? Motivational McConaughey will be that strength. When times were tough, and there were only one set of greasy footprints in the sand, well that’s because Motivational McConaughey was carrying you, in those chiseled pythons of his. Forever and ever, alright alright alright.

RGIII was on “The Tonight Show” on Thursday night. You might have been unaware unless you’re within gushing range of the D.C. media or you’re one of those people who makes it a habit to watch Leno, in which case: gross.

As you might expect, Griffin discussed socks, at point offering them to House, with the suggestion he could cut one up to make a tie. At the end, RGIII engaged in some impromptu beatboxing. If those skills were put to use on the field, it could be the most hip-hop snap count in history since the time that MC Serch breakdanced an audible call in his little-remembered tenure as Jets QB in the ’80s.

If D.C. news radio station WTOP (WEATHER AND INAPPROPRIATE HEADLINES ON THE 10s) is to be believed, RGIII also masturbated and blew a load on Leno’s face. Shame that was edited out of the broadcast. Searched through the NBC site and they didn’t even make it an online exclusive. Way to neglect your audience, guys.

In the meantime, here’s the second part of the Tonight Show appearance with the beatboxing bit. Rahzel-GIII is in the last 30 seconds or so.

[via a Jacob W. share]

It’s not every week during the offseason that we dispense a Meast award. In fact, the last time we did it, it was for Judge Doty ruling that the NFL wasn’t allowed to use its emergency lockout war chest to outlast the players’ union during a prolonged lockout. Based on that precedent, it seems like the only sure-fire way to earn an offseason Meast is to put the screws to Roger Goodell through the courts.

So it’s only right we bestow the Meast on Jonathan Vilma for filing a defamation lawsuit against the Ginger Hammer for the public comments the Rog made about Vilma following the announcement of the linebacker’s one-year banhammering as punishment for his alleged involvement in the Saints bounty program. If you’d like to read the complaint in full, have at it. While it may not force the league to finally disclose all of its findings from the bounty investigation, it will hopefully make it so the league has to turn over enough of them to prove that The Rog’s comments were not defamatory and baseless. Which is nice, because we were happy enough with it being an open “f*ck you” gesture to the commissioner. BAHAHAHA EAT HOG, ROG! That it may actually do a measure of good is a nice bonus.

Your Least for this random juncture of the off-season is Ed Reed for hinting at retirement for the third year in a row, even though everyone knows he’s going to play.

Look, if Ballhawk is actually dealing with neck issues, I feel for the guy. But if you want to retire, then retire already. Stop making a huge production every year about what a wrenching decision it is and make up your goddamn mind. Not to mention, it’s a total tease to Ravens haters. C’MON! HURRY UP AND WEAKEN THEM SIGNIFICANTLY! This is the kind of thing that engenders Brett Favre comparisons (that and dick pics, natch). There’s only so much goodwill to be manufactured by handing out gloves to fans in front of Peter King.

Some have suggested it’s just a ploy for a new contract. And why not? What better way to get a new deal than to talk about how injured you are all of the time? SO SHUT ED REED AND FOR GOD’S SAKE QUIT LOOKING HOMELESS.

Mad Men (AMC, Sunday) – On this week’s episode, Sally Draper burns hundreds of ants to death with a magnifying glass while laughing maniacally, then goes inside and drowns a cat in the bathtub. Probably.

Game of Thrones/Veep/Girls (HBO, Sunday) – I don’t watch any of these shows live, but I’ve got to believe — for those who do — the transition in style from “Game of Thrones” to “Veep” to “Girls” is jarring as hell. Like trying to drink coffee right after brushing your teeth.

Neal Brennan: The Half Hour (Comedy Central, Friday) – Neal Brennan, co-creator of “Chappelle’s Show” and all-around funny guy, has his first stand-up special airing tonight at 11:30 p.m. I strongly recommend you watch.

Fairly Legal/Common Law (USA, Friday) – I said this on Twitter (shameless plug), but at some point in the past few months, I became a person who DVRs “Fairly Legal” every Friday night and watches it Saturday morning, even though I am still not caught up on “Breaking Bad.” I’m not exactly sure how I feel about that.

The Simpsons/Bob’s Burgers/Family Guy (FOX, Sunday) – Season finales, all around. Lady Gaga appears on “The Simpsons,” as discussed here.

Jesse Stone: Benefit of the Doubt (CBS, Sunday) – The latest in the series of CBS’s made-for-TV movies. These actually aren’t bad, for the record. But on a night where it’s up against so much other quality television, not even Tom Selleck’s luxurious mustache can get me to watch.

Sherlock (PBS, Sunday) – I have been furious with my parents ever since I found out that Benedict Cumberbatch was a thing you could name a baby. It makes my name look so boring by comparison. That’s why I’m naming my first son Stegosaurus Jones. No regrets, you know?

The Client List (Lifetime, Sunday) – This is probably the best show about handjobs currently on television.

Aziz Ansari: Dangerously Delicious/Hannibal Buress: Animal Furnace (Comedy Central, Sunday) – In addition to Neal Brennan’s special on Friday, Comedy Central is also airing these two specials back-to-back on Sunday night. Ansari’s is the one he released online a few months ago, and Buress’s is brand spanking new. Both dudes are hilarious, so these also come with a very strong recommendation. DVR them. You’ll thank me.

If, by chance, you’re near a computer on Saturday at 4pm est, I’d like to suggest something for you to do: watch the Lumineers — an amazing new band whose debut album (available for $ 5 on Amazon) lots of people are crushing on right now — perform a set at my house that will be livestreamed on Liveset.

(In case you’re wondering why the Lumineers are livestreaming a show from my house, and I’m sure you are, let me just say this: it’s an old (built in the 1840s) house that was abandoned for a number of years and portions of it still are raw/in need of renovation — but, at the risk of sounding immodest, it’s gorgeous in an aging starlet sort of way, and it looks great on film. Think of it as the Helen Mirren of houses. Hence, Tom Lennon and Ben Garant just filmed the majority of “Hell Baby,” their directorial debut about a young, expectant couple who move in to “New Orleans most haunted fixer-upper”, here. More on that next week, btw.)

ANYWAY, the Lumineers are pretty great so check out the show tomorrow if you’re on the internet. Below is an embed of their performance on Conan a few days ago. Enjoy, and y’all have a great weekend!

It’s not every week during the offseason that we dispense a Meast award. In fact, the last time we did it, it was for Judge Doty ruling that the NFL wasn’t allowed to use its emergency lockout war chest to outlast the players’ union during a prolonged lockout. Based on that precedent, it seems like the only sure-fire way to earn an offseason Meast is to put the screws to Roger Goodell through the courts.

So it’s only right we bestow the Meast on Jonathan Vilma for filing a defamation lawsuit against the Ginger Hammer for the public comments the Rog made about Vilma following the announcement of the linebacker’s one-year banhammering as punishment for his alleged involvement in the Saints bounty program. If you’d like to read the complaint in full, have at it. While it may not force the league to finally disclose all of its findings from the bounty investigation, it will hopefully make it so the league has to turn over enough of them to prove that The Rog’s comments were not defamatory and baseless. Which is nice, because we were happy enough with it being an open “f*ck you” gesture to the commissioner. BAHAHAHA EAT HOG, ROG! That it may actually do a measure of good is a nice bonus.

Your Least for this random juncture of the off-season is Ed Reed for hinting at retirement for the third year in a row, even though everyone knows he’s going to play.

Look, if Ballhawk is actually dealing with neck issues, I feel for the guy. But if you want to retire, then retire already. Stop making a huge production every year about what a wrenching decision it is and make up your goddamn mind. Not to mention, it’s a total tease to Ravens haters. C’MON! HURRY UP AND WEAKEN THEM SIGNIFICANTLY! This is the kind of thing that engenders Brett Favre comparisons (that and dick pics, natch). There’s only so much goodwill to be manufactured by handing out gloves to fans in front of Peter King.

Some have suggested it’s just a ploy for a new contract. And why not? What better way to get a new deal than to talk about how injured you are all of the time? SO SHUT ED REED AND FOR GOD’S SAKE QUIT LOOKING HOMELESS.

After a three-week hiatus, your very fearful leader has returned to his post for Sexy Fridaying. If there’s one thing I’ve noticed over that span, it’s that Burnsy is very good about picking a theme and sticking to it, whereas I just haphazardly spray sexiness in all directions. Clearly this is a sublimation of our respective love-making styles. You’re welcome for the visual, btw.

Moving along, another week of dreadful offseason inactivity has been slogged through. Next weekend is Memorial Day weekend, which is the unofficial start of summer for just about everybody. Drew is already dreading it, but since I don’t have three dozen children to attend to, I can be content welcoming the swelter and the skimpy outfits that go along with it. Anyway, enough talk of seasons and children, there’s sexy to be had.

Inclusion for the ladies/non-traditional male audience:

[Pics/video via here, here, here, here, here, here and here]

Last fall, Hank Williams, Jr. was famously relieved of his duties of riling up his rowdy friends after he broke Godwin’s Law when talking about Obama. With time on his hands and booze on his breath, The NOC imagines what it would be like if the UEFA Champions League final enlisted his services for a pregame hoedown. I’ll be the first to say SIMPSONS DID IT! Still not as weird to me as the fact that Hank sang in Spanish during his final appearance on Monday Night Football.

- The Texans are the latest team to turn down “Hard Knocks”. Awww. Now we’ll never get to know what the Houston Chimera is really like behind the scenes. After all the bitchy lobbying that Peter King did on their behalf, they have the gall to do this? Name five things more disappointing. You can’t.

- Ookie wedding! Michael Vick is getting married on June 30 in Miami to Kijafa Frink. Frink? GLAVIN! Among the notable guests if Ookie mentor THE DUNGE, who will leave the reception in a huff the second any hippity-hop is played.

- LeSean McCoy received a five-year, $ 45 million extension from the Eagles. He also got an apology from Osi Umenyiora for that weird Mother’s Day dig on Twitter. Can’t imagine which of the two he’s more excited about.

- Redskins long-snapper Nick Sundberg has a giant Greek Mythology scene tattooed on his back. The war is nice, but we’re gonna need to see a lot more man-boy love for it to be truly faithful to the source material.

- Lawrence Taylor reportedly wasn’t the one who put his Super Bowl XXV ring up for auction. It was LT’s son who did it without telling his dad first. I don’t steal from my father and he’s not a tenth as crazy as Lawrence Taylor, so I imagine TJ has already used the auction money to flee the country and change his name.

- The Packers say they will formally retire Brett Favre’s number, but are waiting a year or two to do it, “when it is more meaningful to 4“. I see right through this ruse. Green Bay is totally waiting for ol’ Brittfar to publicly disgrace himself yet again so the team won’t get grief for disavowing any connection. Canny strategy. Let’s hope it works out.